What a crazy week

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

what a crazy week

My life has been a whirlwind this week and it's only Wednesday.

Last week Paul and I had lunch on Friday and I suggested that we take a weekend trip to Colorado. We decided to go to Ouray and Telluride. We left that evening when he got home from work and came home on Sunday. It was lovely. The trees were beautiful and it was so nice to get away. Paul's boss called him when we were on our way to Ouray and asked him to do a courtesy interview. Paul works for a company that subcontracts its employees out to other companies. His company was trying to pick up some additional work and had agreed to provide people for their potential client to interview. Someone backed out at the last minute which is why they asked Paul to do a courtesy interview. Paul does the interview on Monday morning. He was one of four people to interview and this company asked specifically for him. Well that kind of threw us into a tailspin because the design work is happening primarily on the East Coast, mostly in New Jersey, Massachusetts, and some in Dallas. There will also be some international travel possible to England and/or Holland. This work would only be for a year so it would be silly for us to relocate. They want him to just do a LOT of business travel for the next year. He said he would be open to that as long as I could go too. They are trying to negotiate a new rate for him that would give us enough money for my travel and expenses as well. This change in job is also a promotion for Paul as well. He would be the first in a series of project controllers and would be the department head for them in this project. We are so excited. I am so proud of him. We will be spending 3/4 of the month away from home but it doesn't matter because we will be together. :-&

Monday night my mom called me and she said she had bad news. Bad news always is code for "someone's pregnant". I am used to this and she always handles things with sensitivity. She told me that my sister is pregnant. The sting of the news was especially poignant. My sister has not made her life easy. She was a mess while she was a teenager. She ran away for weeks at a time, spent some time in jail, spent some time in a mental hospital and spent a lot of time on drugs. She created her own problems and suffered the consequences of those problems. She is married now and has been for a year and a half but she still has issues. Her husband can be kind of a flake and is jobless sometimes. They live with his mother in the Midwest. She is still doing drugs, I think just pot, but still that can't be good. She didn't want this pregnancy and she isn't particularly excited about it. I think she has infertility problems as well but she was grateful for them. She considered it to be cheap birth control. She called my mom over the weekend and told her and was upset to tell me. My whole family was upset to tell me. What have I done to make everyone so afraid of me?? I know exactly what I have done; I have acted poorly in the past. I am so upset with myself. I am stealing my sisters happiness. My mom and my grandma have said that they can't be happy for her while Paul and I are suffering so much. That isn't fair to my poor sister. Her situation is bad enough. We don't need to make it worse. It was really sweet of my parents and grandparents to be so concerned about us though. I will never forget their kindness. When it finally happens for us they will be so excited for us. I just wish they could feel that for my sister. My dad said to my mom he had been praying for the wrong thing. He told her he had been praying to become a grandfather but he should have been more specific in his prayers. He should have been praying for me to get pregnant. My dad's spirituality is very private and it was neat for me to hear that.

I got my period a few days late and my third HSG will be Monday. I got a Rx for valium this time. Three cheers for valium.