I bought something for my baby this week

Yes. I know. I don't have a baby. But I would prefer to say, I don't have a baby...yet. I will.

I was kidding myself a little bit when I bought the item in question. I teach the CTR 5 class at church and before I taught them I taught in the senior nursery. I've been buying things for my baby pretending all the while that I'm buying them for my church class. Well, I'm kidding myself no longer. I am not going to turn in receipts for reimbursement. I am going to keep every last board book, flannel board and character, and craft book for the baby that will grace our home...eventually.

To my sweet baby,

I know you are waiting until just the right time to come and meet us. I know that you belong in our family. I want you to know that we love you already. I want you to know that we can't wait to teach you and love you and get to know you. We are doing the best we can to prepare for your arrival. We can't wait to meet you.

Love,
mom

Where is my warranty paperwork?

I want a refund! or a new body! or for this one to work properly! I did a mock cycle last month and cd 1 was 1April and I am still bleeding. It's not even convenient bleeding. It's inconsistent, and clotty and gross. Sorry for the TMI. I am on BCP's so I can have surgery at my convenience which happens to be at the end of the month and they are making my face break out like I am a teenager. I have acne issues anyway but this is getting to be too much. I have a zit brewing on my upper lip. That is the worst place ever to have a breakout. Emotional pain AND physical pain?!? It's too much. Something has got to give. I need to be fertile. If I can't be fertile, I need some sort of consolation prize like a clear face. or...actually I'm really a pretty content person. I just want a baby. Soon. Please?

ok, small NM towns aren't so bad after all

Hobbs is kind of growing on me. I'm still not ready to move there but I don't dread it like I did before. We have been staying at a B&B and I'm getting to be friends with the owner. She and I actually drove to Midland to go shopping yesterday. It was very nice of her to invite me. She will even let us ride her horses which is nice. I did a horrible job of packing for this trip and getting out of town was an absolute nightmare. I left my house around 11am on Wednesday and didn't end up leaving the city until 12:45. Fast food at the drive through shouldn't take 25 minutes. The idiot at Office Depot didn't know what magazine spines were and I forgot about the damn construction on the freeway. I am mortified to admit this but I have been traveling with Paul for weeks now and up until now have done a pretty good job at packing but I neglected a few essentials this trip. Here is what I forgot: underwear (I'm rather particular about underwear and my options were to back track and go home to get some which was not going to happen after my issues getting out of town in the first place, sucking it up and dealing with no underwear or driving to Lubbock on Thursday), socks and tennis shoes, and pj's. I didn't change my underwear for 48 hours and I have never felt more disgusting in my life. I hope to never repeat that experience ever again. I couldn't wait to get home. Poor Paul had to be at 5:30am on Thursday but because of my underwear disaster he was kind enough to drive me home on Thursday night even though it was utterly miserable for him. I love that man. We didn't get home until 1am but clean undies never felt so good. I have discovered the people of Hobbs to be kind, welcoming, helpful, and extraordinarily generous. I'm not ready to start looking for a house there but I might be able to tolerate it for more than one week per month which was my previous limit.

Infertility can create misunderstandings

I've been meaning to post about this for some time but it kind of ticked me off and I felt that it would be better to post about it once I calmed down. I can now look at the situation with a bit of humor so here ya go!

As part of the mock cycle I was on estrogen patches and then we added PIO later. I was on estrogen patches for about three weeks and even though I started on only one patch per day I ended up on four patches at any given moment. The clinic suggested that I place the patches on my lower belly but I didn't find them to be comfortable there. So I moved them. I placed them on my lower back and on my bottom. Yes I put the stupid patches on my butt. I had to change them every other day and you're not supposed to put them over the same location so I had to get creative and start moving them around. Once the patches are removed they leave a little mark around the perimeter where the adhesive attracted lint and whatever else. I was getting dressed one morning after my shower and Paul remarks to me, "you should really clean your butt!" EXCUSE ME?!? Let's think before we speak, shall we? After a swift chewing out he explained that all he meant was the adhesive was left on my backside. Hmpf! That could have been better phrased don't you think?

Everyone is pretty pleased that my hormones have leveled out...including myself.

Surgery is 26 days away

My period has been trickling in for a few days but decided to make her formal appearance today. So today is the day that I get to start the "birth control" pills. My entire reproductive system I think we could consider a form of birth control. I pick up the pills at the pharmacy and the pharmacist asks me if I've taken this medicine before. I should have lied and said yes. I said no because I haven't taken this particular brand of pill before and besides that it's been almost five years since I've taken birth control pills. The realization that we have been TTC for almost five years hit me like a ton of bricks. FIVE YEARS?!? FIVE YEARS?!!? I've been dealing with IF for almost five years. Ugg. No wonder it's getting easier for me to deal with. I have no other choice. Ok, so I tell the pharmacist that I haven't taken the medicine before and she tells me to take it at approximately the same time everyday and that if I miss a pill I should double up until I get back on schedule and here's the kicker...to use a back up method of birth control. I wanted to ask her if blocked tubes counts as a back up method. I just felt myself smiling and nodding at the woman. A back up method of birth control? Oh please. Then she tells me that if I am taking antibiotics that those could also lessen the effectiveness of the pill and again to use a back up method. I realize that she had no idea that what she was saying was positively nauseating to me but it was and I can't wait until this surgery is behind me.