BFV

Friday, November 24, 2006

BFV

That stands for Big Fat Vent!!!

I am really trying to be a more positive person and not be so gripey about my IF but tonight I am afraid that is just not possible.

I think I mentioned a while back that my sister is pregnant. My sister is four years younger than me and has had a rather unpleasant life that she made for herself. She did major drugs in high school, ran away from home, etc, etc. She is married now, to somewhat of a loser, but is relatively stable. I would go insane if I had her life but compared to what it used to be her life is better by leaps and bounds.

She just hit the second trimester and she has a SIL that suffered through major IF, a couple of failed IVF's and is now pregnant on a natural cycle. The SIL has a babybeat and my sister called me tonight to ask me if I wanted to hear the heartbeat. I have never once been mean or nasty to her regarding this pregnancy. In fact I have been somewhat of her advocate with our family. They think it's not a good idea for her to be pregnant and wish I was pregnant instead. I have been rather supportive of her in this pregnancy but I sure as hell don't want to hear the freaking heartbeat. I have had three m/c and never once got to hear the heartbeat. It was always devastating for me, still is actually.

I told her that it was insensitive of her to call me and ask me that after which she chewed me out and promptly hung up on me. I hate being hung up on!!! It's so childish and rude. Then she text messaged me chewing me out again, saying that I am the bad guy and that I hurt her feelings by not being more interested in her pregnancy. Oh brother, can we please act like adults and speak over the phone instead of having a little text messaging spat. She asked me if I would make her baby announcements and baby shower invites and I said yes and somehow I am not interested enough in this stupid pregnancy. Give me a break! This is what I hate about newly pregnant people, new parents, all in the fertile category of course; they think that their abiltity to procreate makes them genetically superior, they think that they invented procreation, they think that the sun rises and sets in this new life that they have created. This is why I should keep my negative feelings in check, by the way. I get way too nasty when I let them make an appearance.