Dragging my feet

I promised my sister that I would make her baby shower invitations. I have ordered the supplies. They have arrived. I can't get going. I am practicing the ever popular avoidance technique. Maybe if I don't go into the office where I would have to do something with the supplies it will all just go away. Maybe the invitations will make themselves. Maybe Paul will make them for me. Maybe I will wake up and her pregnancy will all just be a bad dream.

There was yet another pregnancy announcement this weekend. My cousin told me that her younger brother has impregnated his wife. How lucky! His DNA. Her DNA. A fun night in the sack with minimal thought of OPK's, ovulation, sperm counts etc. What a concept. Infertility has taken over my life. I can't remember life before the heartache of infertility. I had a cold two weekends ago. I was so congested. I was positively miserable. I couldn't help but think that you don't really appreciate something until you don't have it anymore... like breathing through your nose. After you are better for a period of time you forget how miserable you were when you couldn't breathe. The inconvenience of a cold soon fades in our memory. I wonder, after my family is complete will the pain of infertility ever fade? Will I forget that a pregnancy announcement feels like a knife to my heart every time? I have to admit that I'm on the fence about this. It would be nice to forget and to just be able to feel normal for a bit but infertility has become such a big part of who I am. It is part of what defines me. It is a part of what I can credit with my maturity and my personal growth. I can thank infertility for teaching me compassion and empathy. Infertility has strengthened marriage. I have accepted it but I am still trying to embrace it.