I am a bad blogger

Saturday, March 18, 2006

I am a bad bad blogger

My apologies to those who read this blog. It has been an awful long time and I am truly sorry.

First order of business: I am not pregnant. IUI #1, tragically was unsuccessful but life does go on. My period started to make its grand appearance on Saturday and I wasn't scheduled for bloodwork until Monday. I still had to do the bloodwork but at least I wasn't shocked and disappointed on Monday when I talked to the nurse.

Before we knew that IUI #1 had failed I decided that if it failed I was going to just do the surgery for the endo. Yes, there are risks and they are large but since we weren't getting anywhere anyway why not be aggressive.

I think I need to back up here and give a little background info. I had a laparotomy in December '04. I had a large cyst on my right ovary and lots of endo. I did six months of lupron and have tried to get pregnant for the last six months. I did OPK's and got a surge like clockwork every month and didn't get pregnant. We decided that it was time to return to the RE's this past January. Dr C did an ultrasound and I expected that things would look normal on ultrasound. Instead, I received quite a shock. I now have cysts on both ovaries that are quite large. He recommended surgery to get cleaned out. He was willing to try IUI's but his primary recommendation was surgery. He outlined the risks quite clearly. I could lose both ovaries. That scares me to death. I don't particularly need my eggs but I do need my ovaries to do all of the happy hormonal things that they do monthly. I need estrogen. Losing my ovaries scared me so much that I couldn't bring myself to do surgery last month. Now, I am braver and will do it this month.

Fast forward to this cycle when on Saturday I knew I wasn't pregnant. I knew I would call my doctors office first thing Monday morning to schedule surgery. I called, we scheduled and we are all set for this Thursday, March 23 at 12:30. I am nervous but I there is no use trying to predict the future. I feel like this is the right thing to do. Dr C was going to start the surgery with the laparscope (sp) which is small incisions near the belly button as day surgery but after reading the surgical report from last time has decided to do a full incision hence the different name for the surgery, a laparotomy. It is more comparable to a c-section. This doesn't particularly bother me since I already have the scar and have done this before so I know what to expect.

Here are the thing I am nervous about:

1. getting the tube down my throat; this was a problem last time and it resulted in a tickle in my throat which led to coughing which hurt
2. saying embarrasing things under anethisia (sp) ; also a problem last time. nurse told me to have sweet dreams. I replied "I will. I will have sex dreams"
3. losing my ovaries. no snarky remark. just scary

We have made some decisions regarding what we will do if I lose my ovaries but I am getting a little tired and there is a long story involved so I will elaborate tomorrow.

I leave with a promise to be a better blogger and to leave more consistent updates.