It's official

The ball is rolling. Our cycle has begun. I am taking BCP's. I have my calendar. The donor has started BCP's. The donor has her calendar. Wow. This is the first time I have cycled in almost a year. The range of emotions I am feeling has taken me completely off guard. One minute I'm terrified, the next I'm hopeful, the next I'm excited, followed by nervousness. I can't decided how I'm feeling.

It hasn't been without a few snags however. Our first choice donor backed out a few weeks ago. I called the DE coordinator and she was going to call our first choice and see where she was in our cycle and get things moving with her. First choice donor called her back and said she wasn't sure she wanted to cycle again. She called back and said she had made up her mind. She had decided not to cycle again. The stupid thing is I actually felt rejected. After the total coincidence of finding out who she was I really felt like it was a sign that she was "the one." I guess not. Maybe it was just me being hopeful. I don't really know nor do I feel like dwelling on it.

So we moved on to our second choice. Donor #2 is actually a closer match to me ethnically. Picking a donor is not an easy process. I originally wanted someone who is tall like me and the same ethnicity which presents a bit of a problem. The issue is that my father is Caucasian and my mother is Mexican. The Mexicans are not known for their statuesque proportions. It presented a bit of a conundrum. I ultimately decided I wanted someone tall. First choice donor was very tall and had very tall relatives but her ethnicity was entirely Caucasian. Second choice donor has a Mexican father and a Caucasian mother. And she's 5'7" which I'm told is still relatively tall. Her brothers are fairly tall also and her sisters are tall so I don't have anything to complain about. She is actually a pretty close match to me. When we got word that our first choice donor had backed out I was out of town and I didn't have my donor profiles with me so I had to let the DE coordinator know how I wanted to proceed. I told her to move forward with our second choice and a week later we headed home. Shortly after making it home I pulled out the donor profiles and an overwhelming sense of peace came over me. I knew that we were making the right decision and that even though our second choice wasn't our initial choice I really feel like she was who we were meant to cycle with.

Our new donor has really good stats as well. She has already cycled so she knows what to expect. She has two children and she responded really well in her other cycle. They retrieved 25 eggs. 21 fertilized. They transferred two quality two blasts. Seven embryos could have been frozen. There were two compact morulas that maybe could have been frozen. The couple that she cycled for didn't want to freeze embryos so they were destroyed. She had good fert rates. It appears she produced good embryos. The recipient didn't get pregnant but sometimes these things just don't work.

My only job now is to take my prenatals, iron, colace, BCP's on a consistent basis. It drives Paul nuts that I don't take prenatals on a regular basis but frankly I don't need a daily reminder that I'm barren. In the meantime I'm thinking positively and swallowing a fistful of pills every morning.